Adventure: Falling in love with yourself

Let me start off by saying that that this is going to be a very long post -- I really love the idea of self-love so I'm left with a lot to say.  

I believe self-love the most important quality a person can possess, and though the target audience of this campaign tends to be women, I feel that it’s equally important for men to develop this characteristic as well.

As I’ve approached my mid-twenties, there’s a certain confidence I’ve grown into - I’ve finally rid myself of body issues, learning to love and embrace my curves and I’ve found that I truly enjoy my own company.  I’m a pretty cool cat. 

Though I wish this were a universal realization for all women and men in my age group, I’ve learned that many of my friends –  I’d even argue most –  have yet to reach this point of self-acceptance.

Stuck in a paradox between adulthood and adolescence, I see the same error repeated time and time again. My friends, some who have no correlation to each other, refuse to take the time to date themselves, court themselves and fall in love with themselves. This is fundamental to self-love. 

Like romantic relationships, the relationships we sustain with ourselves require nurturing. It’s imperative that we take time to ourselves, that we allow ourselves to learn who we are outside of the demands of our daily lives. 

Self-love is not something I stumbled upon; I didn’t just wake up one morning and feel this sense of reassurance. In fact, it’s something I’m still working on today. 

To be honest, the current state of self-love I currently feel was a direct result of the self-hatred I experienced for far too long. It just became exhausting. I made the conscious decision to just work on me for a while. This came after a very bad break-up, followed my countless failed rebound attempts and post-graduate blues and a fluctuating unemployment. 

I was unhappy and everyone could tell. I could smile, but the smile wasn’t genuine. I was disappointed in myself. 

During the time I rode off men, I took time to work on the things I wanted to work on. I took on working out, discovered the #VixenArmy (more on that later.) and joined Crossfit. I spent most of my time in a gym. When I went out, I went out with my best friend. Girl nights were the only kind of date nights I’d accept. 

Rather than bar hopping with friends on Saturday, I opted for Netflix binge nights. I worked toward gaining momentum in my career and I built my resume. Before I knew it, I was landing clients, building a name for myself and attending major events.  

And then one day I woke up and I was happy. Genuinely happy. THe best part of my hiatus was the amount of money I saved by refusing reckless night outs. It allowed me to do what I really wanted to do…travel (see here). 

The million dollar question: how does the boyfriend fit in to this concept of self-love? 

I pretty much have to refer you to Eat, Pray, Love.

Once I started dating myself and making the improvements I needed and wanted to make in my life, I started to feel that I had something real to offer someone. 

I also started recognizing the way I’d like to be treated by a potential significant other because of how well I started treating myself. 

I took myself out for day strolls and the movies. I placed a certain standard of the kinds of restaurants I enjoyed going to and I learned what I really enjoyed doing during my free time. When I made plans, I made them a few days in advance and I made a point of keeping them. I respected my own schedule. 

When I started dating again, I had a few contenders that simply didn’t make the cut. The "hook-up” culture just wasn’t my style and I refused to date a man who would ask me to hang out the day of. I wanted a man who made plans with me days in advance, who respected my schedule, who wanted to take me to the kind of restaurants I enjoyed going to. I knew myself so well, I sought compatibility rather than companionship. 

I also sought someone who would push my limits, challenge me and allow me to experience my new way of thinking. 

When I met Alexis, I thought he was incredibly attractive upon first glance. As soon as we started conversing, we hit it off to the point that those surrounding us thought we had known each other for a while. When he asked me for my number, he didn’t bother with the three day rule. He texted me within two hours and we’ve been in communication ever since. 

Our conversations flowed naturally and what really won me over was that he asked me on a date a week in advance. Two years in, and moving into our second home, he continues to ask me out on dates and continues to plan them a week in advance. He respects my time and he respects his own. 

We work because Alexis also loves himself and has a clear vision of the kind of girl he wants in his life. He has a clear vision of where he wants to in his career and where he wants to be in 5 years as a man. He’s also proud of the man he’s become. 

Sure, we have our issues – what couple doesn’t? – but over all, we’re happy. We recognize our personal worth and the quality of person we’ve found in each other. We’re fundamentally different in many ways, and though challenging at times, we always remind ourselves that we’re worth the fight while always remembering that we, ourselves, have something to offer one another. 

So the question is, how does a boyfriend fit into all of this? Well, he’s nurturing my self-love, and that, I truly believe, is the key to a beautiful relationship.